Where do I belong?

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Where do I belong?
I remember asking myself this question constantly since I was a teenager, I am not sure I have the answer to it yet, but I want to believe I am closer to finding it now.
As a teenager I always felt that I didn’t fit in, I was not confident and I was lost. I always had so many doubts and so many questions like: what’s my talent? Am I even good at something? What am I supposed to do in life? What do I bring to this world? Am I ever going to “fit in”? What’s my purpose? Will I ever be successful? Where do I belong??

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I never thought I was going to find an answer to all the doubts I had, I felt like a failure and I started being afraid of the future. When I graduated Highschool I had no clue what I was supposed to do next, but guided by what society tells me I enrolled to the most expensive College in the city and decided I wanted to get a Marketing degree (me? Marketing? WHAT?). I have not enough creativity to be in such an area, it was a huge mistake. I obviously failed bad at it, but what can you expect? #1 I had to decide what I wanted to be in life when I was only 16 years old! And the problem is that if you graduate Highschool when you are only sixteen years old you think you are pretty badass, you probably think you are some sort of genius; but then you get to College and think “How the hell did they let me graduate and get to College this fast?!”.
#2We are living in a time where High School education might be a waste of time, because honestly: what do you learn? They don’t even push you to THINK, you don’t learn to deal with real life problems, and they don’t help you to discover yourself. Don’t get me wrong because I’m not saying you don’t learn useful stuff, because you do learn a few things that are important and will help you. But if I spent so many years studying I would hope that once I graduate I am at least a bit ready to face this world, and sadly that’s not the case- you are not ready.

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In my country, society expects you to decide what degree you want as soon as you graduate High School, they want you to choose your path, and decide who and what you want to be for the rest of your life. It’s really stupid to force or pressure someone to make such an important decision at such a young age especially when you don’t even know yourself yet. It’s not just any decision- you are defining yourself at such a young age. Some people definitely have it easier than others because they were born with a clear talent- for example: drawing, singing, playing soccer, etc. They know that they will use that talent and they have already chosen their path. But then there’s a lot of us that don’t have such an specific gift and we don’t know what we want, we don’t even know our talent so we definitely can’t make a proper decision.
You want to know how I ended up finding my path? I started working; as soon as I graduated I started working as a teacher assistant. Did I know I was good at it? I had no clue, but I had to give it a try. While studying Marketing I was working with a group of 8 year old and that’s when I found out I was good at it; I was good at teaching, grading, interacting with kids and everything that involves educating kids. I started to get interested on how kid’s minds work, why did they behaved certain way- so it hit me- I wanted to become a psychologist I didn’t even finish my third semester in Marketing and I switched to a different University and enrolled in the Psychology degree. I had to experience the world first before being able to discover what I really wanted. And that’s the way it should work, you should not be forced or you shouldn’t have any pressure of any type to make you choose prematurely about any aspect of your life. If you are 16 (or older) and you already know what you want and you are ready to choose, then it’s great! But if you are not sure then you should be able to discover the world in order to be able to find yourself in it. You need to work, try different things and look for diverse experiences and I swear you will end up finding who you really are, and what you really want to do.

As for the questions I had, I was able to answer many of my questions thanks to the fact that I discovered myself while working.

What’s my talent?
Even though, all through middle school and High School I felt like such a loser due to the fact that I was not good at sports and I felt like a failure because I couldn’t sing or draw- I now know I have a talent and maybe more than one: I’ve been able to act, to model and to write passionately. I’m a talented psychologist just as well.

Am I even good at something?
Yes, I’m good at many things. Things that didn’t count as important in High School but are sure important in everyday life. I am good at listening, I am good at helping others, good at giving more than receiving. I am a good person, with strong moral values- and that’s something people lack now.

What am I supposed to do in life?
I think I’m called to inspire, to help and motivate others. I’m supposed to keep discovering myself because that’s and endless pursuit. I’m supposed to be who I already chose and be the best I can be. I’m supposed to live the life I want for me and have my own family because there’s nothing as important as family. That’s my purpose and that’s what I bring to this world. I bring my talents and disposition to make a change- a positive one.

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Am I ever going to fit in?
I’m not sure if I will ever fit in completely, but I know I will never pretend to be someone I’m not to be accepted. When I was way younger and I wanted to please people, I was never taken seriously and I most definitely didn’t have much friends (real friends) but now that I am who I really am and that I have no fear of rejection is when I’ve gained people’s respect and consideration, when I’ve finally come to be more accepted and found real friends who love the real me. And it’s amazing, it’s amazing to be everyone’s first choice, to be wanted for your true self; of course I have enough people who don’t like me but oh, well.. You can’t please everyone- It’s not worth it!

Will I ever be successful?
Of course I will! Why not? I don’t measure success by the amount of money I make now or that I will make in the future, I measure success by how satisfied I feel with what I do, with how much I can help and inspire others, and by the fact that I have no regrets.

Final one-
Where do I belong?
I might not be 100% sure about it.. But I think that I belong wherever I want to be. I belong where I’m happy and satisfied. It doesn’t matter the place, it doesn’t matter where- it just matters how right it feels for me.

Those are my thoughts for today! Remember life is like a puzzle, you need to keep trying until you find the pieces that fit.

Hasta la vista,
Adri❤️

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*Pictures are property of Google images.

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Everyone is weird.

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I’ve come to realize there is no such thing as being “normal”. Think about it: what does being normal really means?
In my experience, the way I see it being normal is just doing what everyone else does, and just trying to please everyone. But naturally we are all weird, we are all different and there’s no two persons in the earth that are exactly, 100% the same. We might be similar to someone else, but never the same. Since by birth we are different from the rest, that makes us “weird”. And when we are kids we enjoy, we embrace and we love that weirdness. We don’t care what others think and we don’t try to please anyone. We do what we really like, act how we want and enjoy being ourselves, no matter how different we are. Sadly as we grow older we start caring too much about everyone’s opinion and we want to fit in into a society that’s ruled by weird people pretending to be normal- in other words fake people. Yea, we want to make friends and we want to feel “accepted” but that shouldn’t have to turn you into someone totally different to who you are; people who truly love you, will fall inlove with your “weirdness”, they won’t ask you to become someone else. Believe me, you can’t pretend to be someone you are not for too long, and people will find out who you are sooner or later, the ones who liked the fake version of you will end up leaving. So why not embrace who you really are? Why not be proud of being weird? You bring something to the world that no one else does, and you are amazing for that. People who are considered normal are the people who live life filling the standards that others have set for them, it’s basically living a life to please others or living a life where they are repressing who they really are, and when they are old they sit back and look that it wasn’t worth it. Because in my book what’s worth it is being 70 and have no regrets, knowing that I lived my life my way, I did things I wanted, and I did things that pleased me. But I don’t want to be and old, grumpy lady regretting all the things I didn’t do just because society was going to think it was “too weird”.
We should never stop being like kids in that sense, we should be weird and be proud of it. And we should accept everyones weirdness, not judge them. The world would be a different place if we all stop judging and started loving everyone for who they are and not who we want them to be. You need to be who you want to be, and they should be who they want to be. We don’t need to like everyone, but we shouldn’t have to ask them to be different. I love how kids just don’t care, and how they can just become friends of someone who is totally different and play with them, they just accept it and put no conditions. That’s how it should be there should be no rules on how someone must be so they can be accepted.
I’m not saying we should just accept a pedophile, or a serial killer because they are “weird”. Don’t get me wrong, these people have issues and are mentally ill, they have some psychological disorder. But being “weird” is just being different from everyone, and it’s amazing and totally acceptable as long as you are not hurting yourself and others, as long as what makes you different doesn’t put your life or someone else’s life at risk.

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Is it easy to be different? Being different is easy, we were born different. What’s not easy is to accept it and be who you really are. It’s not easy because you aren’t always going to be accepted, people will laugh, people will judge.. But either way that’s going to happen, so don’t let it affect you.
You should put yourself first, YOU should make YOURSELF happy first. In order for you to make others happy, you need to be happy with yourself. If you don’t enjoy who you are you can’t expect others to enjoy your company. And you won’t enjoy who you are if you are being fake, you won’t get to be genuinely happy if you are repressing yourself from who you really are.
I will repeat once more: Be weird, embrace it and be proud of your weirdness. There’s no other one like you and that makes you amazing and important!
I am Adri, I am weird and I love it!

Hasta la vista,
Adri❤️

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*Pictures are not mine, they belong to Google Images.

The Liebster Blog Award

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Hi friends! This is a especial post to thank the very amazing The Baby-Making Chronicles . She nominated me for a Liebster Award, and I feel more than honored since she is one of my favorite bloggers! Thank you, it means a lot to me that YOU thought of me when nominating.

I’m listing the award rules here (which I just decided to borrow from her post)

THE RULES

1. You must link back the person who nominated you.
2. You must answer the 10 questions given to you by the nominee before you.
3. You must nominate 10 of your favorite blogs with less than 200 followers and notify them of their nomination.
4. You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Here are my nominees:
1. Those Voices in my Head
2.Short for Caterina
3.Blue Bead Publications
4.Marlon Video Blog
5. Adventures Of The Rogue Academic
6.Lexie Page Talks
7.Becks
8.Not the Family Business
9.Misifusa’s Blog
10.On The Homefront

My Questions to my amazing nominees are:

1. What is your greatest passion?
2. What made you start a blog?
3. Where do you get your inspiration from?
4. What do you do to entertain yourself on boring days?
5. Favorite book?
6. Favorite movie?
7. Most exciting experience in your life?
8. What do you hate the most doing?
9. Your dream place to live and why?
10. Is this where you thought you’d be in life at this age?

My answers to The Baby-Making Chronicles questions:

1. What made you start a blog?
I have always had a passion for writing, ever since I learned how to write when I was six years old. And a few months ago I decided to give it a try again, and just use it as therapy/catharsis to deal with my anxiety.

2. How has blogging impacted your life?
Personally I feel very blessed to be able to have a blog, and to be able to have people read and get interested on my writing. I finally feel that I’m good enough for something and it’s been rewarding so far!

3. What are you passionate about?
I’m passionate about many things in life, I am a very passionate girl. But my greatest passion is writing.
Acting, psychology and working with kids it’s my passion as well.

4. Life-defining moment?
Ah, that’s a tough one! Haha..
Dating my boyfriend would be one- because it’s something that sooner or later would change my life , literally. I will be moving to a different country, different family, different everything.
And being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, because it has affected the way I live life, and the way I see it.

5. Marooned on a deserted island, what three things would you want with you?
A notebook to write on, an iPod to listen to music (if there was a way to charge it) and my boyfriend.

6. What’s the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
It would probably be acting on a play, in my country’s most famous theater. It was their 40th anniversary play, so no need to say how important it was. Even though it was very rewarding it was very embarrassing since I didn’t like to have all eyes on me. Weird feeling.. Haha.

7. What was the last thing you purchased over $100?
A medical exam.

8. What’s the last stamp on your passport?
Guatemala

9. Favorite quote?
“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”
― Bob Marley

10. All-time favorite blog?
“The Single Woman”

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Living with Anxiety.

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I’m a psychology student about to graduate. I’ve been studying so many disorders throughout these past years, some are common and some are not. But it seems like the “Anxiety Disorder”is way more common than I thought. In the days I had to study and research about that specific disorder, learning all about it, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, I thought it was one of the easiest disorders to deal with. One year later- 2012- life decided to make me regret my words and put me on test being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
There is more than one type of Anxiety Disorders:
•Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
•Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
•Panic disorder
•Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
•Social phobia (or social anxiety disorder)

So ok, Anxiety is normal; many people, if not basically everyone, experiences anxiety in their life. Why? Because is a reaction to stress, and who doesn’t experience some stress in life. But when does it become a DISORDER? It becomes a disorder when it becomes too much excessive, when it actually affects you on a daily basis, when it affects you mentally, physically, emotionally and when it affects the way you live life.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder on March 2012. Everyone, including me, thought that since I already had knowledge about the topic and being a psychologist it wasn’t going to affect me much, and it was going to be as if I didn’t suffered from such disorder. But, Oh God, we couldn’t have been more wrong. More than one year later, I’m still struggling.

What causes people to suffer from this?
I haven’t find the exact answer to this question, but here is something I found and think will give you a close idea:

Scientists currently think that, like heart disease and type 1 diabetes, mental illnesses are complex and probably result from a combination of genetic, environmental, psychological, and developmental factors. For instance, although NIMH-sponsored studies of twins and families suggest that genetics play a role in the development of some anxiety disorders, problems such as PTSD are triggered by trauma. Genetic studies may help explain why some people exposed to trauma develop PTSD and others do not.
Several parts of the brain are key actors in the production of fear and anxiety. Using brain imaging technology and neurochemical techniques, scientists have discovered that the amygdala and the hippocampus play significant roles in most anxiety disorders.

So, as you can see they haven’t find one specific cause, and that makes it harder for people like me because since they don’t know the exact cause there is not one accurate “cure” to it. It’s not like you can run to the doctor and get a couple of shots and boom, you are free!
There is obviously some treatment options to help you deal with it, but as my psychologist says- there is no cure, once you have it you can only learn how to live with it and reduce the effects but never get ride of it.

Let me tell you a bit more about the specific anxiety disorder I deal with.

All of us worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are extremely worried about these and many other things, even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. They are very anxious about just getting through the day. They think things will always go badly. At times, worrying keeps people with GAD from doing everyday tasks.

(NIH, NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH)

Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can’t stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school. In people with GAD, the worry is often unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread. Eventually, the anxiety so dominates the person’s thinking that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities, and relationships

(WEBMD)

And what are the symptoms?
GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

•Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
•An unrealistic view of problems
•Restlessness or a feeling of being “edgy”
•Irritability
•Muscle tension
•Headaches
•Sweating
•Difficulty concentrating
•Nausea
•The need to go to the bathroom frequently
•Tiredness
•Trouble falling or staying asleep
•Trembling
•Being easily startled
In addition, people with GAD often have other anxiety disorders (such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias), suffer from depression, and/or try to self-medicate by using drugs or alcohol.
(WEBMD)

Let me tell you in easier words, and exactly my experience.
I started off with panic attacks- I could totally do a post just talking about panic attacks so I’ll be as brief and accurate as possible.

Panic attacks are periods of intense fear or apprehension that are of sudden onset[1] and of variable duration from minutes to hours. Panic attacks usually begin abruptly, may reach a peak within 10 minutes, but may continue for much longer if the sufferer had the attack triggered by a situation from which they are not able to escape. Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, “going crazy,” or experiencing a heart attack or “flashing vision,” feeling faint or nauseated, a numb sensation throughout the body, heavy breathing (and almost always, hyperventilation), or losing control of themselves. The most common symptoms may include trembling, dyspnea (shortness of breath), heart palpitations, chest pain (or chest tightness), hot flashes, cold flashes, burning sensations (particularly in the facial or neck area), sweating, nausea, dizziness (or slight vertigo), light-headedness, hyperventilation, paresthesias (tingling sensations), sensations of choking or smothering, difficulty moving and derealization. These physical symptoms are interpreted with alarm in people prone to panic attacks. This results in increased anxiety, and forms a positive feedback loop.

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My first panic attack happened one day at College, it was obviously very unexpected and I was walking to one of my classes when suddenly I started feeling as if I couldn’t breath at all, I thought it was due to the fact that I ran up to the third floor of the building to get to class, but it was definitely too intense. So I just got out of class, called my dad and just asked him to pick me up, we went to the hospital got some pills that would help me relax for a few days and it was all good. After that I suffered from a severe panic attack where I couldn’t move my hands, my heart was beating so fast, I couldn’t breath and I thought I was dying, so I was hospitalized and diagnosed with what you now know. I started a psychological therapy and I had the option of taking some medication to help me deal with it easier. I was recommended to stop studying and working and take a break so I could process everything, relax and start over with things once I was feeling better and stronger. But I said no to both of the last options. I decided to not take any medication, because I thought I should learn to deal with it without the need of a pill, without having to risk myself to become addicted or dependent to some pill and having a pill control me. And usually every medication ends up affecting you in some way and then you need some other medication to help you with what the last one did. So I didn’t want that, just the same I didn’t want to stop my life, I thought I was being a coward if I stopped and try to get healthy. I didn’t want to take the easy way and I didn’t want to get behind with life.
Psychotherapy worked amazingly for me for the first month or so, and I reduced the amount of panic attacks and anxiety I had. So, I thought I don’t need it anymore and even tho the therapy was not over I stopped going. One month later I started going back to therapy and I was feeling lost, much worse than before and depressed. So the psychologist ask me to visit the doctor and the doctor pre scripted some medication- and since he knew I was against it he recommended a very chill pill (haha) that wasn’t as half as strong as the usual anxiety medication but that still causes a positive reaction. I kept going to therapy and taking my medication, so once again I was in control of myself. By last December things started getting difficult in my life and ever since life keeps testing me in the worst possible ways, and it’s been no good for my anxiety disorder. I have not been to therapy for so long, Im still taking pills occasionally but only as emergency exit, on extreme occasions. But after so many things going on, so much pressure and all in the last couple of months I’m again losing control and my sanity. Now my disorder is worse than it’s ever been, it’s hard for me to go to the mall because I start having panic attacks, running errands and doing the things I’ve always done such as going to College and work cause me panic attacks very often. I now get easily frustrated and very much irritated. So then I get depressed because I feel pathetic and I feel like a failure because now I have a very hard time to do stuff I used to do always.
Now I regret not taking a break from work and College since the very beginning, because in this moment I’m mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically drained and exhausted. And now I feel at my weakest point, not having enough strength to get up and fight. And it’s now more than ever that I need that strength and courage because it’s been these days the days that I’ve had to go through so many challenges and so many test life has put on my way.. You can’t imagine how horrible it’s to wake up and hate the life you are living, wake up thinking about all the thins you need to do during the day and thinking “will I be able to fulfill these tasks?” And then completing your checklist but painfully, ending the day tired, exhausted and unhappy, because you fought all day against anxiety just to be able to do simple things like buying groceries.
I need to get things in order in my life, and complete my therapy and medication the way it should have been done, I have to do it once and for all, so I don’t have to fall and fail again. I need to do it for my family who are the ones who run and save me everytime I’m feeling at my weakest, the ones who suffer because they want to see me happy. And I have to do it for me- because I am one young lady with a promising future and I deserve a healthy stress/anxiety free life. I need to be able to enjoy the little things that right now are stressing me and giving me anxiety. I need to be able to fight for what I want, to do what I need to do to succeed in life and not having a disorder holding me back from my dreams in life. I need to do it, I need to believe I can be the girl I was before this hit me, and not only be that girl but be the best version of me that I ever was, because I deserve it, because the world needs it.

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

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Here are some links so you can read where I got some of the information from. It’s very accurate and very well explained. So if you are interested about knowing more, please don’t hesitate to ask me questions and click the links below.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad/index.shtml

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/generalized-anxiety-disorder

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_attack

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*Pictures belong to Google Images.
*Terms provided are taken from the links above- NIMH,WEBMD AND WIKIPEDIA.

Long distance.

I have no idea why, but I think when God made me he said “this girl has something in special in her that will let her handle long distance relationships”. And when I say long distance relationships, I don’t mean only boyfriend wise. I have all sorts of long distance relationships: one of my best friends, boyfriend, mom and other important people in my life. And you must be thinking “I bet she is some sort of expert and handling distance” and I will tell you you are so wrong, my friend.
My first long distance relationship was with one of my best friends. She is native from Philippines but she came to Honduras due to her parent’s work. We met on 5th grade and we became friends instantly. She then left when we were in Highschool, and it was quite hard for us. I do feel so identified with the saying “friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are there” because we might not talk every day and we haven’t seen each other for so long, but I love her like a sister and I trust her like I trust no other friend. We still run to each other and share our secrets, sadness, happiness.. As if we were still together.
My second long distance relationship was with my ex boyfriend. And it was very easy to have a long distance with him, it was a chill and non stress relationship. I didn’t miss him everyday, somedays I was so happy that he was not with me everyday and I enjoyed our time apart. We didn’t last long, maybe 7 months or a bit more. But there was no commitment or any pressure at all, because we weren’t inlove, so that definitely made it easier for us to be apart. The third long distance I’ve had is my actual boyfriend- and we’ve been on it for almost 27 months now. By now I thought it would be easier and we would be used to be away from each other but HELL NO! I need to be next to him, I miss him more than I could miss anyone and it gets no easier everyday.. I still can’t get used to being away from him. And when we started dating he was in USA a bit closer and better because him visiting could be easier! Now that he is in Lithuania him visiting often is out of the question.
And then the latest addition to my long distance list is my dear mother. It’s no secret that my mom is my very best friend in the whole world. She is the one person I tell literally everything to, I talk to her everyday and get the best advices from her. So not being able to just get home and find her there waiting to hear about my stories it’s hard.

It’s hard to decide which is harder- being away from mom or being away from my dear boyfriend. But if you ask me right now I would say being away from my boyfriend is the hardest. It’s just so many things involved. I miss the physical touch, the hugs, the sleeping together and waking up to his kisses; I miss him watching over me when I was scared, the feeling that when I walk with him I’m protected. And distance affects so many little things that frustrate me and make me go crazy. Because we need to receive and give attention to each other but then you sacrifice so many things you wouldn’t have to if we were together. It’s frustrating when he has to choose between doing something fun and relaxing or just sitting on a computer talking to me. It hurts me because I wish I could just be there and do the fun things together and not having to put in that position of choosing. And sometimes I feel like “he should go have a drink with his friends, he had been working so hard” and I sacrifice my need for his attention, but sometimes I really need him to stay so he sacrifices a couple of hours of fun. And it makes me feel guilty.
So yea, it is really hard. You can’t imagine how hard it is. And it takes sacrifice, it takes commitment, patience, trust and it takes hard work but most importantly two people who are really inlove so they can make it work one way or another. There is no special guideline you can follow to make it easier, or magic or specific steps. But if you are in a long distance relationship you need to be patient because you need to try different things to make your relationship work, and with time you need to change your “strategy” because as time passes things change so you need to adapt to those changes.
For me and my boyfriend, things don’t work the same way now as they work in the beginning. When we started he was in College and it was a totally different deal, we would videochat mostly on weekends for a couple of hours but after that I wouldn’t hear much from him but on weekdays we would chat everyday. I knew he deserved to party, so I was ok with him not chatting all day on weekends. Now that he is in Lithuania and he is working, but I need more from him, so video chatting only on weekends didn’t fulfill my needs anymore and besides that our time difference is bigger now, so we needed a new plan. So we agreed to have Skype dates everyday for an hour. And of course some days we can’t but we make it up to each other. So how much and how often we communicate to each other changes every now and then, but what’s important is communicate everyday, at least 30 mins chatting a day, or a call a day or one text a day. But communication is the key- of course some days you won’t be able to talk to each other or text each other, but don’t let long periods pass by without talking. There should be constant communication, at least a daily reminder on how much you love them and miss them. Be each other’s partner in crime and help each other, support each other. Because if you are both inlove it then it won’t be easy to be away for neither of you. I used to think it was easier for my boyfriend, but I’ve learned that he has a different way of dealing with it and he is more in control of himself, but it’s just as hard for him. Just because he doesn’t cry, or just because he doesn’t lose it daily it doesn’t mean he is having it easy- that was hard for me to learn but I know now. And it’s pure logic, girls are more emotional and dramatic by nature hahaha.
My boyfriend is just amazing, because he is not only in a long distance relationship but he is in a long distance relationship with me. And I have a bad habit of making it hard for him with no real reason at all. And he still puts his heart into our relationship. I thought I knew more about love than he did but I was so wrong. He has taught me to be more positive, I’ve learned from him that in a relationship you need to let go of past mistakes and be forgiving. And that’s what love is about- constantly forgiving no matter what is it that the other person did, forgive and forget. Don’t make each other’s life miserable for small things that don’t matter. There are some small things that DO matter, but you can always just ignore the little mistakes that are not important. Small things in a relationship are tricky, because guys should understand that some small things make a huge difference but girls need to understand that some small things aren’t worth the drama.

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I still can’t figure out why exactly is it that out of all long distance relationships being away from my boyfriend is the hardest. But it might be because is the one that needs the most attention from, that needs touch and physical affection and it’s the most passionate one. But let me tell you, it’s going to be hard, some days you will feel lost, tired and feel like giving up. But the harder it gets the closer you are to getting to your goal. And it will be worth it. It’s not easy but the reward will be amazing. I’m sure it will be! I promise you that as long there is love and commitment you will make it. Don’t give up as long as it’s real love, and how would you know if it’s real love? Because even when all the physical affection is not there, when everything has been so hard and difficult for a long time- even then you will love them, and not only love them but you will LOVE them more than ever.

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

*Pictures are not mine, they belong to Google images.

He is not ready to give up on me.

Hi beautiful people!
I’ve been away for a while and I’ve missed writing so much, so here I am ready to tell you what’s going on with my life.
So last time as you can read on my last entry, I was having a real bad moment and let me tell you that the bad moment it’s still not gone, it’s more like a bad season for me. Everyday something new happens and I am here thinking who is wishing all these bad things for me? What I did to deserve this?
To start let me tell you that my mom left to work in USA and will probably get her green card soon. My mom and I have been best friends for 21 years, and in those twenty one years we have not been away for long periods of time NEVER. So that was a hard transition for me, having to say “see you soon, mother” and not knowing when I will see her again. And since she is gone I am the grown up in charge of two not too beautiful teenagers- my 13 year old brother and my 14 year old sister! It’s a hard moment for them as well since we all have a very close relationship with my mom. Since my mom is gone things have gotten worse for me, more responsibilities and less time than ever. Three days after she left to New Jersey me and my siblings got sick- not just sick but SERIOUSLY sick. We got “rotavirus” and that thing is not a joke. I was used to being the spoiled girl, so whenever I got sick I could lay in bed and sleep all day and have my mom take care of me. But not this time, I was the grown up and I was in charge so even when my fever was 39•C and my body was in pain I had to be up taking care of my little ones. Those days were so overwhelming and I realized that while my mom was away I really needed to look after my siblings and they should be my priority especially at this difficult age- you know how the teenage years are haha. So I was rushed into making a decision about my life and I decided to quit my job- YES, the job I loved so much, the job that I dreamed of. It was a difficult decision and I still can’t believe I did it. But with all that’s going on I really believe it was a good decision, yea I miss it so much but everything happens for a reason- and those words are the ones I’m holding on to. And then we have to move to a new house, always in the same city but different place. I moved less than a week ago, my dad and one of his employees were the ones who moved in all the heavy stuff in the new place but all the cleaning and organizing has been my job only and I feel so exhausted, you can’t imagine. I probably sleep 4 hrs a day when I’m lucky. I get stressed out and that just produces insomnia, which is no good for someone who has an anxiety disorder. But I just lay on bed thinking all I have to do: clean, cook, run errands all day, make sure they do homeworks and have everything they need for school, these are just a few of my worries.
And by now you must be wondering why this entry has such title- “He is not ready to give up on me“.
But I just need to point this out: with all these transition, changes, challenges my mood has been like a roller coaster. Depressed, angry, sometimes excited, worried, lost- any feeling you can think of. But in general I’ve been just CRAZY. And I have a boyfriend, a very wonderful one. But I’ve been taking it all out on him, all my frustration has been directly affecting the person I love the most. Unconsciously or not, either way it’s wrong and I admit it. There was one day when I just crumbled and I told him I needed to break up with him, I told him I was not happy anymore and that our relationship didn’t make sense anymore. And it was just a lie; yes, I was not happy but it was totally not his fault, it was only all these outside things affecting me. And I started being mean to him and giving him reasons to break up with me. But he said “I love you so much, that I will never give up on that love. We will be happy, I know it. And I won’t let you quit to that happiness when you are so close to it.” Those words just melted my heart and I realized how lucky I am to have such an amazing guy by my side. My boyfriend used to be the type of guy that wanted things easy, and didn’t like things too complicated. But in this year he had to face so many challenges with me, as if being in a long distance relationship wasn’t hard enough. And he has never complained, he has never been mean to me, he has never given up on me even when I was ready to give up on him. Instead he has been so loving, so understanding and been extra wonderful to me. He has made the necessary changes to make it easier for me even when it’s not easy for HIM. And I sit here and think,”well, yeah, my life is not easy; everything gets harder and things have not been working out lately but how lucky I am that I have the one thing everyone desperately looks for: LOVE“. I mean he makes everything worth it, every little thing bad or good. He makes me feel like it doesn’t matter how bad my life is but I’m still the luckiest girl just because I found him.
If you find someone who would stick with you on your worse, and who would not only stick with you but will do anything he can to make your life easier, to see you smile, who works hard for your happiness more than for his own- hold on to that person, don’t let him/her go, because they are the one, they are something special. When you find that person who won’t give up on you even though everything leads him to giving up, who won’t give up even when you are asking them to give up, let me tell you that person is a keeper. There is nothing as satisfying than knowing that when everything is going wrong you have that special person who will listen, support you, offer you solutions and will even make you smile on your darkest day.

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To my love who will be reading this for sure- thanks for being my rock, my strength, my everything. Thanks for pushing me towards my dreams and being my inspiration and my biggest fan. Te amo my penguin! Myliu tave 🙂

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

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*Pictures are not mine. They belong to Google images.