Hi beautiful people!
I’ve been away for a while and I’ve missed writing so much, so here I am ready to tell you what’s going on with my life.
So last time as you can read on my last entry, I was having a real bad moment and let me tell you that the bad moment it’s still not gone, it’s more like a bad season for me. Everyday something new happens and I am here thinking who is wishing all these bad things for me? What I did to deserve this?
To start let me tell you that my mom left to work in USA and will probably get her green card soon. My mom and I have been best friends for 21 years, and in those twenty one years we have not been away for long periods of time NEVER. So that was a hard transition for me, having to say “see you soon, mother” and not knowing when I will see her again. And since she is gone I am the grown up in charge of two not too beautiful teenagers- my 13 year old brother and my 14 year old sister! It’s a hard moment for them as well since we all have a very close relationship with my mom. Since my mom is gone things have gotten worse for me, more responsibilities and less time than ever. Three days after she left to New Jersey me and my siblings got sick- not just sick but SERIOUSLY sick. We got “rotavirus” and that thing is not a joke. I was used to being the spoiled girl, so whenever I got sick I could lay in bed and sleep all day and have my mom take care of me. But not this time, I was the grown up and I was in charge so even when my fever was 39•C and my body was in pain I had to be up taking care of my little ones. Those days were so overwhelming and I realized that while my mom was away I really needed to look after my siblings and they should be my priority especially at this difficult age- you know how the teenage years are haha. So I was rushed into making a decision about my life and I decided to quit my job- YES, the job I loved so much, the job that I dreamed of. It was a difficult decision and I still can’t believe I did it. But with all that’s going on I really believe it was a good decision, yea I miss it so much but everything happens for a reason- and those words are the ones I’m holding on to. And then we have to move to a new house, always in the same city but different place. I moved less than a week ago, my dad and one of his employees were the ones who moved in all the heavy stuff in the new place but all the cleaning and organizing has been my job only and I feel so exhausted, you can’t imagine. I probably sleep 4 hrs a day when I’m lucky. I get stressed out and that just produces insomnia, which is no good for someone who has an anxiety disorder. But I just lay on bed thinking all I have to do: clean, cook, run errands all day, make sure they do homeworks and have everything they need for school, these are just a few of my worries.
And by now you must be wondering why this entry has such title- “He is not ready to give up on me“.
But I just need to point this out: with all these transition, changes, challenges my mood has been like a roller coaster. Depressed, angry, sometimes excited, worried, lost- any feeling you can think of. But in general I’ve been just CRAZY. And I have a boyfriend, a very wonderful one. But I’ve been taking it all out on him, all my frustration has been directly affecting the person I love the most. Unconsciously or not, either way it’s wrong and I admit it. There was one day when I just crumbled and I told him I needed to break up with him, I told him I was not happy anymore and that our relationship didn’t make sense anymore. And it was just a lie; yes, I was not happy but it was totally not his fault, it was only all these outside things affecting me. And I started being mean to him and giving him reasons to break up with me. But he said “I love you so much, that I will never give up on that love. We will be happy, I know it. And I won’t let you quit to that happiness when you are so close to it.” Those words just melted my heart and I realized how lucky I am to have such an amazing guy by my side. My boyfriend used to be the type of guy that wanted things easy, and didn’t like things too complicated. But in this year he had to face so many challenges with me, as if being in a long distance relationship wasn’t hard enough. And he has never complained, he has never been mean to me, he has never given up on me even when I was ready to give up on him. Instead he has been so loving, so understanding and been extra wonderful to me. He has made the necessary changes to make it easier for me even when it’s not easy for HIM. And I sit here and think,”well, yeah, my life is not easy; everything gets harder and things have not been working out lately but how lucky I am that I have the one thing everyone desperately looks for: LOVE“. I mean he makes everything worth it, every little thing bad or good. He makes me feel like it doesn’t matter how bad my life is but I’m still the luckiest girl just because I found him.
If you find someone who would stick with you on your worse, and who would not only stick with you but will do anything he can to make your life easier, to see you smile, who works hard for your happiness more than for his own- hold on to that person, don’t let him/her go, because they are the one, they are something special. When you find that person who won’t give up on you even though everything leads him to giving up, who won’t give up even when you are asking them to give up, let me tell you that person is a keeper. There is nothing as satisfying than knowing that when everything is going wrong you have that special person who will listen, support you, offer you solutions and will even make you smile on your darkest day.
To my love who will be reading this for sure- thanks for being my rock, my strength, my everything. Thanks for pushing me towards my dreams and being my inspiration and my biggest fan. Te amo my penguin! Myliu tave 🙂
Hasta la vista,
*Pictures are not mine. They belong to Google images.