Long distance.

I have no idea why, but I think when God made me he said “this girl has something in special in her that will let her handle long distance relationships”. And when I say long distance relationships, I don’t mean only boyfriend wise. I have all sorts of long distance relationships: one of my best friends, boyfriend, mom and other important people in my life. And you must be thinking “I bet she is some sort of expert and handling distance” and I will tell you you are so wrong, my friend.
My first long distance relationship was with one of my best friends. She is native from Philippines but she came to Honduras due to her parent’s work. We met on 5th grade and we became friends instantly. She then left when we were in Highschool, and it was quite hard for us. I do feel so identified with the saying “friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are there” because we might not talk every day and we haven’t seen each other for so long, but I love her like a sister and I trust her like I trust no other friend. We still run to each other and share our secrets, sadness, happiness.. As if we were still together.
My second long distance relationship was with my ex boyfriend. And it was very easy to have a long distance with him, it was a chill and non stress relationship. I didn’t miss him everyday, somedays I was so happy that he was not with me everyday and I enjoyed our time apart. We didn’t last long, maybe 7 months or a bit more. But there was no commitment or any pressure at all, because we weren’t inlove, so that definitely made it easier for us to be apart. The third long distance I’ve had is my actual boyfriend- and we’ve been on it for almost 27 months now. By now I thought it would be easier and we would be used to be away from each other but HELL NO! I need to be next to him, I miss him more than I could miss anyone and it gets no easier everyday.. I still can’t get used to being away from him. And when we started dating he was in USA a bit closer and better because him visiting could be easier! Now that he is in Lithuania him visiting often is out of the question.
And then the latest addition to my long distance list is my dear mother. It’s no secret that my mom is my very best friend in the whole world. She is the one person I tell literally everything to, I talk to her everyday and get the best advices from her. So not being able to just get home and find her there waiting to hear about my stories it’s hard.

It’s hard to decide which is harder- being away from mom or being away from my dear boyfriend. But if you ask me right now I would say being away from my boyfriend is the hardest. It’s just so many things involved. I miss the physical touch, the hugs, the sleeping together and waking up to his kisses; I miss him watching over me when I was scared, the feeling that when I walk with him I’m protected. And distance affects so many little things that frustrate me and make me go crazy. Because we need to receive and give attention to each other but then you sacrifice so many things you wouldn’t have to if we were together. It’s frustrating when he has to choose between doing something fun and relaxing or just sitting on a computer talking to me. It hurts me because I wish I could just be there and do the fun things together and not having to put in that position of choosing. And sometimes I feel like “he should go have a drink with his friends, he had been working so hard” and I sacrifice my need for his attention, but sometimes I really need him to stay so he sacrifices a couple of hours of fun. And it makes me feel guilty.
So yea, it is really hard. You can’t imagine how hard it is. And it takes sacrifice, it takes commitment, patience, trust and it takes hard work but most importantly two people who are really inlove so they can make it work one way or another. There is no special guideline you can follow to make it easier, or magic or specific steps. But if you are in a long distance relationship you need to be patient because you need to try different things to make your relationship work, and with time you need to change your “strategy” because as time passes things change so you need to adapt to those changes.
For me and my boyfriend, things don’t work the same way now as they work in the beginning. When we started he was in College and it was a totally different deal, we would videochat mostly on weekends for a couple of hours but after that I wouldn’t hear much from him but on weekdays we would chat everyday. I knew he deserved to party, so I was ok with him not chatting all day on weekends. Now that he is in Lithuania and he is working, but I need more from him, so video chatting only on weekends didn’t fulfill my needs anymore and besides that our time difference is bigger now, so we needed a new plan. So we agreed to have Skype dates everyday for an hour. And of course some days we can’t but we make it up to each other. So how much and how often we communicate to each other changes every now and then, but what’s important is communicate everyday, at least 30 mins chatting a day, or a call a day or one text a day. But communication is the key- of course some days you won’t be able to talk to each other or text each other, but don’t let long periods pass by without talking. There should be constant communication, at least a daily reminder on how much you love them and miss them. Be each other’s partner in crime and help each other, support each other. Because if you are both inlove it then it won’t be easy to be away for neither of you. I used to think it was easier for my boyfriend, but I’ve learned that he has a different way of dealing with it and he is more in control of himself, but it’s just as hard for him. Just because he doesn’t cry, or just because he doesn’t lose it daily it doesn’t mean he is having it easy- that was hard for me to learn but I know now. And it’s pure logic, girls are more emotional and dramatic by nature hahaha.
My boyfriend is just amazing, because he is not only in a long distance relationship but he is in a long distance relationship with me. And I have a bad habit of making it hard for him with no real reason at all. And he still puts his heart into our relationship. I thought I knew more about love than he did but I was so wrong. He has taught me to be more positive, I’ve learned from him that in a relationship you need to let go of past mistakes and be forgiving. And that’s what love is about- constantly forgiving no matter what is it that the other person did, forgive and forget. Don’t make each other’s life miserable for small things that don’t matter. There are some small things that DO matter, but you can always just ignore the little mistakes that are not important. Small things in a relationship are tricky, because guys should understand that some small things make a huge difference but girls need to understand that some small things aren’t worth the drama.

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I still can’t figure out why exactly is it that out of all long distance relationships being away from my boyfriend is the hardest. But it might be because is the one that needs the most attention from, that needs touch and physical affection and it’s the most passionate one. But let me tell you, it’s going to be hard, some days you will feel lost, tired and feel like giving up. But the harder it gets the closer you are to getting to your goal. And it will be worth it. It’s not easy but the reward will be amazing. I’m sure it will be! I promise you that as long there is love and commitment you will make it. Don’t give up as long as it’s real love, and how would you know if it’s real love? Because even when all the physical affection is not there, when everything has been so hard and difficult for a long time- even then you will love them, and not only love them but you will LOVE them more than ever.

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

*Pictures are not mine, they belong to Google images.

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2 thoughts on “Long distance.

  1. I really like your article, I am feeling less and less confident about it all, and I hate myself for it. We have been together almost 5 years. She is in UK I am in NZ as we have had a master plan to build new lives out here in NZ, and I am working on it. It’s been tougher for me than for her, as I have never been completely by myself, and never wanted to be away from her, but I believed in the future, that’s why I came out here. A lot of things have changed, and she put a lot of distance between us, to help me grow stronger, but I am losing energy, to such an extent that last week got ill, and yesterday when she randomly offered to come here this weekend (depending on the plane ticket price) I had no excitement at all.

    My situation is different, but I tell you one thing, I have not had a video call with her for months now, have left UK end of April, and have not seen her on skype since mid/end May… I am losing faith in my strength to come out this situation… with her, rather than without her and I am a person who believes in if you are lucky enough to find the one, do whatever it takes.

    Forgive and forget, I like that… not sure how it works though…

    • My friend, it’s been too long since you last had a video call. You can’t allow long periods of time without it because things get cold. You need to start surprising each other and do stuff that’s out of both of your routines so you start getting excited about each other again. Don’t give up if you still love each other.

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