The Liebster Blog Award

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Hi friends! This is a especial post to thank the very amazing The Baby-Making Chronicles . She nominated me for a Liebster Award, and I feel more than honored since she is one of my favorite bloggers! Thank you, it means a lot to me that YOU thought of me when nominating.

I’m listing the award rules here (which I just decided to borrow from her post)

THE RULES

1. You must link back the person who nominated you.
2. You must answer the 10 questions given to you by the nominee before you.
3. You must nominate 10 of your favorite blogs with less than 200 followers and notify them of their nomination.
4. You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Here are my nominees:
1. Those Voices in my Head
2.Short for Caterina
3.Blue Bead Publications
4.Marlon Video Blog
5. Adventures Of The Rogue Academic
6.Lexie Page Talks
7.Becks
8.Not the Family Business
9.Misifusa’s Blog
10.On The Homefront

My Questions to my amazing nominees are:

1. What is your greatest passion?
2. What made you start a blog?
3. Where do you get your inspiration from?
4. What do you do to entertain yourself on boring days?
5. Favorite book?
6. Favorite movie?
7. Most exciting experience in your life?
8. What do you hate the most doing?
9. Your dream place to live and why?
10. Is this where you thought you’d be in life at this age?

My answers to The Baby-Making Chronicles questions:

1. What made you start a blog?
I have always had a passion for writing, ever since I learned how to write when I was six years old. And a few months ago I decided to give it a try again, and just use it as therapy/catharsis to deal with my anxiety.

2. How has blogging impacted your life?
Personally I feel very blessed to be able to have a blog, and to be able to have people read and get interested on my writing. I finally feel that I’m good enough for something and it’s been rewarding so far!

3. What are you passionate about?
I’m passionate about many things in life, I am a very passionate girl. But my greatest passion is writing.
Acting, psychology and working with kids it’s my passion as well.

4. Life-defining moment?
Ah, that’s a tough one! Haha..
Dating my boyfriend would be one- because it’s something that sooner or later would change my life , literally. I will be moving to a different country, different family, different everything.
And being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, because it has affected the way I live life, and the way I see it.

5. Marooned on a deserted island, what three things would you want with you?
A notebook to write on, an iPod to listen to music (if there was a way to charge it) and my boyfriend.

6. What’s the most outrageous thing you have ever done?
It would probably be acting on a play, in my country’s most famous theater. It was their 40th anniversary play, so no need to say how important it was. Even though it was very rewarding it was very embarrassing since I didn’t like to have all eyes on me. Weird feeling.. Haha.

7. What was the last thing you purchased over $100?
A medical exam.

8. What’s the last stamp on your passport?
Guatemala

9. Favorite quote?
“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”
― Bob Marley

10. All-time favorite blog?
“The Single Woman”

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Living with Anxiety.

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I’m a psychology student about to graduate. I’ve been studying so many disorders throughout these past years, some are common and some are not. But it seems like the “Anxiety Disorder”is way more common than I thought. In the days I had to study and research about that specific disorder, learning all about it, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, I thought it was one of the easiest disorders to deal with. One year later- 2012- life decided to make me regret my words and put me on test being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
There is more than one type of Anxiety Disorders:
•Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
•Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
•Panic disorder
•Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
•Social phobia (or social anxiety disorder)

So ok, Anxiety is normal; many people, if not basically everyone, experiences anxiety in their life. Why? Because is a reaction to stress, and who doesn’t experience some stress in life. But when does it become a DISORDER? It becomes a disorder when it becomes too much excessive, when it actually affects you on a daily basis, when it affects you mentally, physically, emotionally and when it affects the way you live life.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder on March 2012. Everyone, including me, thought that since I already had knowledge about the topic and being a psychologist it wasn’t going to affect me much, and it was going to be as if I didn’t suffered from such disorder. But, Oh God, we couldn’t have been more wrong. More than one year later, I’m still struggling.

What causes people to suffer from this?
I haven’t find the exact answer to this question, but here is something I found and think will give you a close idea:

Scientists currently think that, like heart disease and type 1 diabetes, mental illnesses are complex and probably result from a combination of genetic, environmental, psychological, and developmental factors. For instance, although NIMH-sponsored studies of twins and families suggest that genetics play a role in the development of some anxiety disorders, problems such as PTSD are triggered by trauma. Genetic studies may help explain why some people exposed to trauma develop PTSD and others do not.
Several parts of the brain are key actors in the production of fear and anxiety. Using brain imaging technology and neurochemical techniques, scientists have discovered that the amygdala and the hippocampus play significant roles in most anxiety disorders.

So, as you can see they haven’t find one specific cause, and that makes it harder for people like me because since they don’t know the exact cause there is not one accurate “cure” to it. It’s not like you can run to the doctor and get a couple of shots and boom, you are free!
There is obviously some treatment options to help you deal with it, but as my psychologist says- there is no cure, once you have it you can only learn how to live with it and reduce the effects but never get ride of it.

Let me tell you a bit more about the specific anxiety disorder I deal with.

All of us worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are extremely worried about these and many other things, even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. They are very anxious about just getting through the day. They think things will always go badly. At times, worrying keeps people with GAD from doing everyday tasks.

(NIH, NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH)

Generalized anxiety disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can’t stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school. In people with GAD, the worry is often unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread. Eventually, the anxiety so dominates the person’s thinking that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities, and relationships

(WEBMD)

And what are the symptoms?
GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

•Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
•An unrealistic view of problems
•Restlessness or a feeling of being “edgy”
•Irritability
•Muscle tension
•Headaches
•Sweating
•Difficulty concentrating
•Nausea
•The need to go to the bathroom frequently
•Tiredness
•Trouble falling or staying asleep
•Trembling
•Being easily startled
In addition, people with GAD often have other anxiety disorders (such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias), suffer from depression, and/or try to self-medicate by using drugs or alcohol.
(WEBMD)

Let me tell you in easier words, and exactly my experience.
I started off with panic attacks- I could totally do a post just talking about panic attacks so I’ll be as brief and accurate as possible.

Panic attacks are periods of intense fear or apprehension that are of sudden onset[1] and of variable duration from minutes to hours. Panic attacks usually begin abruptly, may reach a peak within 10 minutes, but may continue for much longer if the sufferer had the attack triggered by a situation from which they are not able to escape. Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, “going crazy,” or experiencing a heart attack or “flashing vision,” feeling faint or nauseated, a numb sensation throughout the body, heavy breathing (and almost always, hyperventilation), or losing control of themselves. The most common symptoms may include trembling, dyspnea (shortness of breath), heart palpitations, chest pain (or chest tightness), hot flashes, cold flashes, burning sensations (particularly in the facial or neck area), sweating, nausea, dizziness (or slight vertigo), light-headedness, hyperventilation, paresthesias (tingling sensations), sensations of choking or smothering, difficulty moving and derealization. These physical symptoms are interpreted with alarm in people prone to panic attacks. This results in increased anxiety, and forms a positive feedback loop.

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My first panic attack happened one day at College, it was obviously very unexpected and I was walking to one of my classes when suddenly I started feeling as if I couldn’t breath at all, I thought it was due to the fact that I ran up to the third floor of the building to get to class, but it was definitely too intense. So I just got out of class, called my dad and just asked him to pick me up, we went to the hospital got some pills that would help me relax for a few days and it was all good. After that I suffered from a severe panic attack where I couldn’t move my hands, my heart was beating so fast, I couldn’t breath and I thought I was dying, so I was hospitalized and diagnosed with what you now know. I started a psychological therapy and I had the option of taking some medication to help me deal with it easier. I was recommended to stop studying and working and take a break so I could process everything, relax and start over with things once I was feeling better and stronger. But I said no to both of the last options. I decided to not take any medication, because I thought I should learn to deal with it without the need of a pill, without having to risk myself to become addicted or dependent to some pill and having a pill control me. And usually every medication ends up affecting you in some way and then you need some other medication to help you with what the last one did. So I didn’t want that, just the same I didn’t want to stop my life, I thought I was being a coward if I stopped and try to get healthy. I didn’t want to take the easy way and I didn’t want to get behind with life.
Psychotherapy worked amazingly for me for the first month or so, and I reduced the amount of panic attacks and anxiety I had. So, I thought I don’t need it anymore and even tho the therapy was not over I stopped going. One month later I started going back to therapy and I was feeling lost, much worse than before and depressed. So the psychologist ask me to visit the doctor and the doctor pre scripted some medication- and since he knew I was against it he recommended a very chill pill (haha) that wasn’t as half as strong as the usual anxiety medication but that still causes a positive reaction. I kept going to therapy and taking my medication, so once again I was in control of myself. By last December things started getting difficult in my life and ever since life keeps testing me in the worst possible ways, and it’s been no good for my anxiety disorder. I have not been to therapy for so long, Im still taking pills occasionally but only as emergency exit, on extreme occasions. But after so many things going on, so much pressure and all in the last couple of months I’m again losing control and my sanity. Now my disorder is worse than it’s ever been, it’s hard for me to go to the mall because I start having panic attacks, running errands and doing the things I’ve always done such as going to College and work cause me panic attacks very often. I now get easily frustrated and very much irritated. So then I get depressed because I feel pathetic and I feel like a failure because now I have a very hard time to do stuff I used to do always.
Now I regret not taking a break from work and College since the very beginning, because in this moment I’m mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically drained and exhausted. And now I feel at my weakest point, not having enough strength to get up and fight. And it’s now more than ever that I need that strength and courage because it’s been these days the days that I’ve had to go through so many challenges and so many test life has put on my way.. You can’t imagine how horrible it’s to wake up and hate the life you are living, wake up thinking about all the thins you need to do during the day and thinking “will I be able to fulfill these tasks?” And then completing your checklist but painfully, ending the day tired, exhausted and unhappy, because you fought all day against anxiety just to be able to do simple things like buying groceries.
I need to get things in order in my life, and complete my therapy and medication the way it should have been done, I have to do it once and for all, so I don’t have to fall and fail again. I need to do it for my family who are the ones who run and save me everytime I’m feeling at my weakest, the ones who suffer because they want to see me happy. And I have to do it for me- because I am one young lady with a promising future and I deserve a healthy stress/anxiety free life. I need to be able to enjoy the little things that right now are stressing me and giving me anxiety. I need to be able to fight for what I want, to do what I need to do to succeed in life and not having a disorder holding me back from my dreams in life. I need to do it, I need to believe I can be the girl I was before this hit me, and not only be that girl but be the best version of me that I ever was, because I deserve it, because the world needs it.

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

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Here are some links so you can read where I got some of the information from. It’s very accurate and very well explained. So if you are interested about knowing more, please don’t hesitate to ask me questions and click the links below.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad/index.shtml

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/generalized-anxiety-disorder

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panic_attack

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*Pictures belong to Google Images.
*Terms provided are taken from the links above- NIMH,WEBMD AND WIKIPEDIA.

Long distance.

I have no idea why, but I think when God made me he said “this girl has something in special in her that will let her handle long distance relationships”. And when I say long distance relationships, I don’t mean only boyfriend wise. I have all sorts of long distance relationships: one of my best friends, boyfriend, mom and other important people in my life. And you must be thinking “I bet she is some sort of expert and handling distance” and I will tell you you are so wrong, my friend.
My first long distance relationship was with one of my best friends. She is native from Philippines but she came to Honduras due to her parent’s work. We met on 5th grade and we became friends instantly. She then left when we were in Highschool, and it was quite hard for us. I do feel so identified with the saying “friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are there” because we might not talk every day and we haven’t seen each other for so long, but I love her like a sister and I trust her like I trust no other friend. We still run to each other and share our secrets, sadness, happiness.. As if we were still together.
My second long distance relationship was with my ex boyfriend. And it was very easy to have a long distance with him, it was a chill and non stress relationship. I didn’t miss him everyday, somedays I was so happy that he was not with me everyday and I enjoyed our time apart. We didn’t last long, maybe 7 months or a bit more. But there was no commitment or any pressure at all, because we weren’t inlove, so that definitely made it easier for us to be apart. The third long distance I’ve had is my actual boyfriend- and we’ve been on it for almost 27 months now. By now I thought it would be easier and we would be used to be away from each other but HELL NO! I need to be next to him, I miss him more than I could miss anyone and it gets no easier everyday.. I still can’t get used to being away from him. And when we started dating he was in USA a bit closer and better because him visiting could be easier! Now that he is in Lithuania him visiting often is out of the question.
And then the latest addition to my long distance list is my dear mother. It’s no secret that my mom is my very best friend in the whole world. She is the one person I tell literally everything to, I talk to her everyday and get the best advices from her. So not being able to just get home and find her there waiting to hear about my stories it’s hard.

It’s hard to decide which is harder- being away from mom or being away from my dear boyfriend. But if you ask me right now I would say being away from my boyfriend is the hardest. It’s just so many things involved. I miss the physical touch, the hugs, the sleeping together and waking up to his kisses; I miss him watching over me when I was scared, the feeling that when I walk with him I’m protected. And distance affects so many little things that frustrate me and make me go crazy. Because we need to receive and give attention to each other but then you sacrifice so many things you wouldn’t have to if we were together. It’s frustrating when he has to choose between doing something fun and relaxing or just sitting on a computer talking to me. It hurts me because I wish I could just be there and do the fun things together and not having to put in that position of choosing. And sometimes I feel like “he should go have a drink with his friends, he had been working so hard” and I sacrifice my need for his attention, but sometimes I really need him to stay so he sacrifices a couple of hours of fun. And it makes me feel guilty.
So yea, it is really hard. You can’t imagine how hard it is. And it takes sacrifice, it takes commitment, patience, trust and it takes hard work but most importantly two people who are really inlove so they can make it work one way or another. There is no special guideline you can follow to make it easier, or magic or specific steps. But if you are in a long distance relationship you need to be patient because you need to try different things to make your relationship work, and with time you need to change your “strategy” because as time passes things change so you need to adapt to those changes.
For me and my boyfriend, things don’t work the same way now as they work in the beginning. When we started he was in College and it was a totally different deal, we would videochat mostly on weekends for a couple of hours but after that I wouldn’t hear much from him but on weekdays we would chat everyday. I knew he deserved to party, so I was ok with him not chatting all day on weekends. Now that he is in Lithuania and he is working, but I need more from him, so video chatting only on weekends didn’t fulfill my needs anymore and besides that our time difference is bigger now, so we needed a new plan. So we agreed to have Skype dates everyday for an hour. And of course some days we can’t but we make it up to each other. So how much and how often we communicate to each other changes every now and then, but what’s important is communicate everyday, at least 30 mins chatting a day, or a call a day or one text a day. But communication is the key- of course some days you won’t be able to talk to each other or text each other, but don’t let long periods pass by without talking. There should be constant communication, at least a daily reminder on how much you love them and miss them. Be each other’s partner in crime and help each other, support each other. Because if you are both inlove it then it won’t be easy to be away for neither of you. I used to think it was easier for my boyfriend, but I’ve learned that he has a different way of dealing with it and he is more in control of himself, but it’s just as hard for him. Just because he doesn’t cry, or just because he doesn’t lose it daily it doesn’t mean he is having it easy- that was hard for me to learn but I know now. And it’s pure logic, girls are more emotional and dramatic by nature hahaha.
My boyfriend is just amazing, because he is not only in a long distance relationship but he is in a long distance relationship with me. And I have a bad habit of making it hard for him with no real reason at all. And he still puts his heart into our relationship. I thought I knew more about love than he did but I was so wrong. He has taught me to be more positive, I’ve learned from him that in a relationship you need to let go of past mistakes and be forgiving. And that’s what love is about- constantly forgiving no matter what is it that the other person did, forgive and forget. Don’t make each other’s life miserable for small things that don’t matter. There are some small things that DO matter, but you can always just ignore the little mistakes that are not important. Small things in a relationship are tricky, because guys should understand that some small things make a huge difference but girls need to understand that some small things aren’t worth the drama.

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I still can’t figure out why exactly is it that out of all long distance relationships being away from my boyfriend is the hardest. But it might be because is the one that needs the most attention from, that needs touch and physical affection and it’s the most passionate one. But let me tell you, it’s going to be hard, some days you will feel lost, tired and feel like giving up. But the harder it gets the closer you are to getting to your goal. And it will be worth it. It’s not easy but the reward will be amazing. I’m sure it will be! I promise you that as long there is love and commitment you will make it. Don’t give up as long as it’s real love, and how would you know if it’s real love? Because even when all the physical affection is not there, when everything has been so hard and difficult for a long time- even then you will love them, and not only love them but you will LOVE them more than ever.

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

*Pictures are not mine, they belong to Google images.

He is not ready to give up on me.

Hi beautiful people!
I’ve been away for a while and I’ve missed writing so much, so here I am ready to tell you what’s going on with my life.
So last time as you can read on my last entry, I was having a real bad moment and let me tell you that the bad moment it’s still not gone, it’s more like a bad season for me. Everyday something new happens and I am here thinking who is wishing all these bad things for me? What I did to deserve this?
To start let me tell you that my mom left to work in USA and will probably get her green card soon. My mom and I have been best friends for 21 years, and in those twenty one years we have not been away for long periods of time NEVER. So that was a hard transition for me, having to say “see you soon, mother” and not knowing when I will see her again. And since she is gone I am the grown up in charge of two not too beautiful teenagers- my 13 year old brother and my 14 year old sister! It’s a hard moment for them as well since we all have a very close relationship with my mom. Since my mom is gone things have gotten worse for me, more responsibilities and less time than ever. Three days after she left to New Jersey me and my siblings got sick- not just sick but SERIOUSLY sick. We got “rotavirus” and that thing is not a joke. I was used to being the spoiled girl, so whenever I got sick I could lay in bed and sleep all day and have my mom take care of me. But not this time, I was the grown up and I was in charge so even when my fever was 39•C and my body was in pain I had to be up taking care of my little ones. Those days were so overwhelming and I realized that while my mom was away I really needed to look after my siblings and they should be my priority especially at this difficult age- you know how the teenage years are haha. So I was rushed into making a decision about my life and I decided to quit my job- YES, the job I loved so much, the job that I dreamed of. It was a difficult decision and I still can’t believe I did it. But with all that’s going on I really believe it was a good decision, yea I miss it so much but everything happens for a reason- and those words are the ones I’m holding on to. And then we have to move to a new house, always in the same city but different place. I moved less than a week ago, my dad and one of his employees were the ones who moved in all the heavy stuff in the new place but all the cleaning and organizing has been my job only and I feel so exhausted, you can’t imagine. I probably sleep 4 hrs a day when I’m lucky. I get stressed out and that just produces insomnia, which is no good for someone who has an anxiety disorder. But I just lay on bed thinking all I have to do: clean, cook, run errands all day, make sure they do homeworks and have everything they need for school, these are just a few of my worries.
And by now you must be wondering why this entry has such title- “He is not ready to give up on me“.
But I just need to point this out: with all these transition, changes, challenges my mood has been like a roller coaster. Depressed, angry, sometimes excited, worried, lost- any feeling you can think of. But in general I’ve been just CRAZY. And I have a boyfriend, a very wonderful one. But I’ve been taking it all out on him, all my frustration has been directly affecting the person I love the most. Unconsciously or not, either way it’s wrong and I admit it. There was one day when I just crumbled and I told him I needed to break up with him, I told him I was not happy anymore and that our relationship didn’t make sense anymore. And it was just a lie; yes, I was not happy but it was totally not his fault, it was only all these outside things affecting me. And I started being mean to him and giving him reasons to break up with me. But he said “I love you so much, that I will never give up on that love. We will be happy, I know it. And I won’t let you quit to that happiness when you are so close to it.” Those words just melted my heart and I realized how lucky I am to have such an amazing guy by my side. My boyfriend used to be the type of guy that wanted things easy, and didn’t like things too complicated. But in this year he had to face so many challenges with me, as if being in a long distance relationship wasn’t hard enough. And he has never complained, he has never been mean to me, he has never given up on me even when I was ready to give up on him. Instead he has been so loving, so understanding and been extra wonderful to me. He has made the necessary changes to make it easier for me even when it’s not easy for HIM. And I sit here and think,”well, yeah, my life is not easy; everything gets harder and things have not been working out lately but how lucky I am that I have the one thing everyone desperately looks for: LOVE“. I mean he makes everything worth it, every little thing bad or good. He makes me feel like it doesn’t matter how bad my life is but I’m still the luckiest girl just because I found him.
If you find someone who would stick with you on your worse, and who would not only stick with you but will do anything he can to make your life easier, to see you smile, who works hard for your happiness more than for his own- hold on to that person, don’t let him/her go, because they are the one, they are something special. When you find that person who won’t give up on you even though everything leads him to giving up, who won’t give up even when you are asking them to give up, let me tell you that person is a keeper. There is nothing as satisfying than knowing that when everything is going wrong you have that special person who will listen, support you, offer you solutions and will even make you smile on your darkest day.

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To my love who will be reading this for sure- thanks for being my rock, my strength, my everything. Thanks for pushing me towards my dreams and being my inspiration and my biggest fan. Te amo my penguin! Myliu tave 🙂

Hasta la vista,
Adri ❤

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*Pictures are not mine. They belong to Google images.

Change.

When I first started this Blog, not too long ago, I had so much to say and so many stories to write, and I still have so much to share but there are so many things going on in my life right now that I don’t even know how I feel.

You hear so many times that time flies by and life can change in a second, but you never realize how true this is until it’s your own life that’s changing in a blink of an eye. One day you feel so blessed and the luckiest person in the world and then next day your world falls apart, and you think to yourself: can it get any worse than this? and yet life decides to answer your question by turning things worse than they were before. And there you are, someone who always had so many people to go to when things turn blue, and now you are sitting at a coffee place all by your own, not knowing if you could really count on someone. You sit there and start drinking your coffee, look around you and see many different stories in the people who are around you. You see the little girl with her mommy, but there is no dad, maybe he is working or maybe he is never around, but she is so happy and full of hopes, with a bright future ahead of her, and you see her mommy smiling back at her but you realize that she is not really smiling and probably she is not even happy, she could have so many problems going on and she is trying to figure out how to make things work to provide the best that she can for her little one. And then you turn your head and see the old guy sitting by himself, reading the newspaper. What could his story be? Why is he alone? Could it be that his kids who are now adults with lives of their own don’t visit him anymore because they are too busy to visit after their mother died? Or maybe because they don’t want to waste their precious time listening to their old “papa” complain. Or maybe he never had a wife and family of his own because once when he was a young guy he thought making money was everything and now he finds himself sitting alone everyday and he regrets putting work before his personal life. But maybe he is just someone who enjoys being alone and decided to come to have coffee by himself and his family is waiting for him to come back. And at last you see the girl who works at the coffee place, who seems so bitter. Probably she never expected she was going to end up being a waitress, she wanted to be a Lawyer but she did not have enough money to make it to College. And now she is stuck with a job she does not enjoy and most likely does not give her enough money to pay the bills.

And then there is you, the one who not long ago had the brightest future of all, and who was always surrounded by people who truly loved you and now you have the saddest of all stories. You are a 21 year old girl, who once used to be so fancy, who once used to model and be the center of attention, and now you are sitting with your hair in a messy bun, no make up on, no fancy things on you and no one notices you anymore. You have so many things to do, so many problems to be solved. When did you grow up? When did you become an adult? And you think to yourself you can’t return your life and ask for a better one, now this is it and you have to fight to make out of your life the best you can. But you just don’t know what the future holds, and it is scary, but you know you can build a bright future for yourself, deep inside you have hope. You just feel unappreciated, wondering if someone would even notice if you were missing.

Those are my thoughts today..

Hasta la vista,

Adri.

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*This picture is NOT mine, it was taken from Google Images to illustrate my feelings today.

Honduran Paradise- My happy place.

Although the arms of my wonderful boyfriend could be my perfect, happy place; I must admit that there is one place in Honduras that it’s definitely my happy place, and that would be: Roatan.
I don’t think you’ve been at a real paradise if you haven’t yet visit Roatan. It is located between Guanaja and Útila, and it’s the largest of Honduras’ Bay Islands, and it has the most beautiful waters on earth, crystal clear waters.

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I will not give you a lecture about Roatan and give you facts and history of this magical place, but I want to talk about Roatan as my happy place.
I must have been 8 years old the first time I went to this paradise, and even though the trip was not pleasant since we had to take the smallest plane there was (and God, that plane made the scariest noise ever). It was all worth it, my eyes had not seen such a beautiful place, only on T.V. I admit that it was love at first sight, the minute I step on land I just couldn’t help it, I fell in love. The feelings that place gave me were just out of this world. It gave me so much peace and happiness, and security as well. I remember just getting in the water and that moment was just priceless, water is so clear you can see your own feet, and waters are so calm that all you do is relax. During the day we would do many activities including one of my favorites- swimming with the dolphins! How blessed is someone who can experience that!? They also have a show with the dolphins, were they do tricks and you can see them so close as well. And how great is it for a kid to be near a dolphin? They are just adorable! So that’s an amazing experience that puts a smile on my face when I can relive that on my mind and heart. At night we would go with my mom and laid on a chair or the sand, and we would count the stars and just listen to the many sounds that nature offers. And even as a kid I used to appreciate those quiet moments, just focusing on what was around me.
I have been at Roatan so many times, and not one time have I felt bored or sad there.

The last time I was at my Honduran paradise it was exactly one year ago, and that moment was priceless. I decided to use the “ferry” service for the first time and I was so worried about it, because honestly I was never into boats, cruises or any water transportation- I must be thraumatized by “Titanic” haha, just kidding. But I am just genuinely afraid of it, so I was concerned that I was going to suffer a panic attack or at least puke on the way to Roatan. Let me tell you that nothing I feared happened, instead it was such a unique experience for me, I felt so free, so happy, like the only girl on the sea. I didn’t sit for a minute, I stood there on the border of the ferry and let the wind blow through my hair, I was open to every single feeling and sensation. I could smell the sea, I could breath it. I could see the most beautiful blue on the water and on the sky, and all I heard were the waves and birds, giving me their perfect melody.
When I got to my destination- West Bay, Roatan- I just went straight back to my childhood, I felt like the first time I had been there, in awe of everything I my eyes were seeing. This time I chose a different hotel, but it was a very successful choice. I decided to give a try to this beautiful and cozy hotel: Mayan Princess. It has the most beautiful rooms, very fun pool (which you would only need at night, because who needs a pool when you have a paradise waiting for you) and the perfect view to the island’s waters. The food was a plus, all you can eat and believe me, you would want to eat all you can. They have the best Piña Coladas and Margaritas, and many other cocktails and non-alcoholic drinks.

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I am a phone addict, laptop addict and technology addict. But when I got there my phone didn’t exist, the only reason I used it was to write to my boyfriend and take pictures. But all of my time I would spent in the water, getting a tan and this time I tried something new- snorkeling. We paid a tourist guide who was the person in charge of our adventure and we headed to this beautiful place were we practice snorkeling. It is so beautiful to see the many treasures this waters have. Everyday I woke up to see the sunrise, and it is so magical because for that moment nothing else exists, you forget about what worries you, you forget about you need, you forget about what you have to do, in that moment you just breath deep and let nature surround you with LIFE. There’s life in every little thing around you, in the sand that gets in your feet, in the air you breath, in the water that’s two steps away from where you are sitting and in the beautiful sky that slowly switches from night to day. The colors in the sky are just perfect, just like the moment when the sun appears because it’s a brand new day, a new opportunity to live and enjoy what God offers you.

I went to Roatan last year because I had been dealing with Anxiety Disorder, but in my time there I suffered no anxiety. I just had positive feelings and emotions. I felt happy, more than happy I felt a great joy. I felt free, free from stress, worries, problems and negativity. I felt that for once in my life I was truly living, I was aware of every little thing in nature from the tiny bugs, to the fish, the wind, the palm trees, everything. And I enjoyed focusing on those little things, because they never cease to amaze me. In this place your worries will vanish, you’ll only know happiness. It’s a great place to enjoy, to find yourself when you feel lost, to meditate before taking a decision, or to meditate just because.

I invite you to plan your next vacations on Roatan, it’s not just an island it’s paradise- my happy place. I promise you won’t regret.

Hasta la vista,

Adri ❤

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This is the type of boat we rented for our snorkeling adventure- it’s not the exact same one but it’s similar. Called “lancha”!

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Dolphin show in Roatan.

*THIS PICTURES ARE ALL FROM
GOOGLE IMAGES. I chose to not post mine for my own privacy! ❤

Let’s talk about love.

So I was thinking I should write a post talking about the many positive things about my country Honduras. But I actually decided that today I feel like writing about “love”. Now, I am not going to try to teach you what love is or give you a definition of love, but I would actually love to tell you a bit about my love life, and share some intimate secrets with you.

When I was in Highschool I did not date any guy, kissed any guy or had any kind of intimate contact with guys. I would enjoy having guy friends much more than my friendship with the girls. I just thought guys were more authentic (this does not mean girls in my class were not my friends- quite the opposite I had a very good relationship with the girls but I just felt much more comfortable with guys), but things changed a lot when I graduated Highschool.
When I graduated Highschool I was 16 years old, that’s because most schools in Honduras graduate their students in the 11th Grade. So, a month or so after graduating I started going to University where all the fun began. As soon as that happened I started dating guys, and one of my classmates in University was the first guy I dated. He was hilarious, free spirited and just didn’t take anything seriously (including me), but I was not looking for anything serious either so I didn’t mind. He gave me my first kiss, and I would love to narrate a beautiful and romantic first kiss but I won’t lie, it was more like funny and silly but since he was a good kisser it was acceptable for a first kiss; I was quite nervous and he still makes fun of me for it! Then I decided I wanted something more serious, so we stopped dating. In the same time frame I was dating him I met this other guy who happened to study at the same University, he always tried to get my attention and well.. After many flowers and details that showed me he was a gentleman I accepted him as my boyfriend- my first boyfriend. The thing is that even though he was a gentleman he wasn’t quite what I was looking for, I didn’t feel that love you see on movies and most girls dream about BUT I was starting to get curious about this little thing called “sex”. So just to get it out of my head I lost my virginity to him- BAD IDEA. After that one night I started feeling uncomfortable in the relationship, I felt empty and bad about myself, I realized I made a mistake. I gave that one unique and special moment to someone I didn’t love, I went through something so important with someone my heart didn’t beat for. So needless to say, weeks after that night we broke up. After that happened I dated random guys, whom I never kissed or had sex with because I decided I wanted someone who I felt crazy for. Two years after the break up I dated someone else, to make story short things didn’t work out but for my surprise, three months later one of his friends wrote me a message saying he thought I was pretty. I ignored the message at first, and I was sort of dating someone anyways, but one of the nights I got drunk he wrote again and I answered him. And let me tell you that I couldn’t be happier about my decision. It’s been more than two years since that happened, and not one day did I regret that decission. I have never, ever in my life felt as loved as I feel with him. He showed so much interest since the first day, he genuinely cared so much without even knowing me that it’s amazing. It has been more than two years of waking up to his beautiful and lovely morning messages, two years of having the best friend someone could have, two years of living the love any girl could dream about. I am good with words, but no words can express how much I love my boyfriend, and how thankful I am to God that he is mine. Words are not enough, nor there are perfect words that make justice to what he means for me. He is everything I ever asked for- and I am not exaggerating. He is quite a hottie, very handsome, tall and strong. He has the most beautiful eyes, that type of eyes you could stare at with no need to say a word. He has a very well shaped body, and a nice butt hahaha, I know that’s not appropriate to say but it’s blunt honesty. He is Lithuanian, and I always had a thing for Europeans so that’s a bonus. He is so tough and strong and very masculine, but at the same time he is the sweetest, most loving and warm person I have ever met. He makes me feel so loved, and complete and makes me feel that everything I have gone through is worth it. He makes me feel like I am not alone and I won’t be alone never again. You know that kind of love you see in the movies or read about in books? That mad, passionate, extraordinary love you see in fiction novels? Well the love we have is even better. Yes we fight, and he is not perfect but neither am I, we are just perfectly imperfect. We actually fight quite a lot, but that doesn’t affect or changes what we have. We have gone through so many things, good and bad and we grow stronger together everyday. So many things happened to me personally since we have been in this relationship, like a very annoying anxiety disorder, and due to the medication for that disorder I had constant and severe mood swings for a couple of months, that made me a horrible girlfriend. Any guy would have easily given up and wouldn’t have dealt with that, because believe me it’s not fun or easy to deal with but he never left my side, instead he has been more understanding than my own family. He has supported me in every little thing, in every possible way. And guess what? Sex is amazing, sex is such a beautiful thing with him. He makes me feel like a woman, and fulfilled. I no longer feel empty after sex, now it’s the opposite. Waking up to his face, to his lips, to his touch.. It’s just a dream, a dream that came true.

Do you want to know how I realized he is the one? I just knew it. I felt it, deep in my heart. I felt the butterflies, I saw it right deep in his eyes that this was meant to be forever. And now I literally can’t imagine life without him, I can’t picture a wedding where he is not the broom, I can’t picture my kids if he is not the father, and I can’t picture my life journey if he is not my partner in crime. I feel so proud of what we have, and how much we have grown together. He is my penguin, we found each other and we will stay together forever ❤ that’s what we are working for! I could write one post where I only talk about him, and it would still be just a glimpse of our happiness and love.
Please don’t settle for ordinary love, for some people it takes longer to find their other half. But that person will come, I promise. But don’t settle, this doesn’t mean to go around and have random sex (if that’s what makes you happy then do it), but I’m telling you if you are with someone that makes you feel lonely, that doesn’t make you look up to the future, then don’t settle. Love doesn’t have to be ordinary, it has to be one of those things in life that needs to be extraordinary, unique and fill you.

Myliu tave mano pingvine!

Hasta la vista,

Adri ❤

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